Selfish? Who...Me?

Recently, I double parked my car (intentionally) to take advantage of a shaded area.  I was in such a terrible hurry, it was late in the day with the temperature holding in the 90s, and the parking lot was basically empty.  I had ice cream in my car, and I was on the east side of Frankfort (about 22 mins. from my house).  Truly, I didn't think anyone would care.   I just needed to run in for one second, I reasoned. 

Suffice it to say, someone did care and they let me know it with a nasty note written with two different ink colors on a brown paper napkin of all things!  I think they were determined to make sure I knew they meant what they said, by golly!  Among other niceties, they called me "selfish."

It actually took me aback, and I felt the sting of those words.  As I put Hank (my feisty Honda who replaced the Silver Bullet who replaced my beloved Bessie) in gear,  I found myself ruminating on the sharp words my disgruntled neighbor left for me.   I felt offended and verbally defended myself to God justifying my behavior to a degree.

The next day, I found myself still processing this incident, and I recognized I needed to give it deeper thought.  I didn't want to miss any lesson especially if God was teaching me about the toxic mindset and attitude of selfishness--one I tended to dismiss. 

No, this isn't my car, but I think I could make this work though.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit,
but with humility of mind regard one another
as more important than yourselves....
Philippians 2:3

​In the New Testament, the word "selfish" carries with it this meaning: a desire to put one's self forward.  

Well, I do desire to put myself forward from time to time. 

Maybe I want the last word in a discussion.  Perhaps I want you to see my view so badly that I keep interrupting you while you speak. 

​Or I take that last piece of the scrumptious homemade apple pie or the very best and sweetest of the strawberries.  

I might even so desire your time and presence that I guilt you when you cannot join the party.  I'm jealous for you to such a degree that I care more about my own dashed expectations, hopes, and a boatload of "picture perfects" than I care about giving you the benefit of the doubt or the respect you deserve.

Am I selfish with my resources?  Do I share my possessions with a neighbor in need when they come calling?  Am I willing to let go of "stuff"?  Do I donate my time even when it doesn't benefit me?  Do I spend my energy simply for the sake of someone else?      
Do I push pause on my busy life to assist someone in need or do I justify with, "I really would help if only I had more time"?
​
Are my love relationships based on co-dependent tendencies?  Do I prove my love for you in order to get you to love me back?  Am I controlling and manipulative with self-serving hopes that you will meet my emotional needs?

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Selfishness at root may involve contention, strife, and wrangling. 

This makes me wonder, am I ever selfish toward God? Do I come to God mainly when I have hardship and in order to avoid pain myself or do I draw near to Him to give honor and praise?   When affliction or trial erupts in my life, am I the first to abandon my joy in Christ and run complaining to God, pointing a finger at Him?  Do I flatter God when things are going well or unwittingly lie to Him but have no true love for Him? 

​Why, after all,  am I living a decent, moral life? *

So what's a gal (who says "yes" to a few of the questions above) to do?

Recognizing is the first step, and repentance is next in line--these actions are a part of the transformative process that happens when my mind is renewed (Rom. 12:2). Then, of course, I pray that any roots of selfishness be fully yanked out of my heart by the power of the Spirit. 

It's not a bad idea to simply ask God daily to continue to reveal to me any offensive thoughts in my heart (Psalm 139:23-24).  Further, I need replacement thoughts to better guide me.  I might pray:

• God, please humble my thoughts.
• Bring low those thoughts and impulses that elevate me and my agenda.
• Help me to regard others as more important than I am.
• May my opinions of myself be humble and contrite.
• Expose my own moral littleness.   
• Teach me to be gentle, patient, kind, and tolerant of others.
• Put sentinels at my lips so I can guard what I speak to others. 
• Forgive me when I have used my mouth or pen to hurt someone else.
• Show me how to love you, really  love you from joy in my heart, not for selfish gain in return. 

Am I suggesting that God sent me that note?  Of course not.  He would never speak to me, His darling and precious daughter quite like this.  However, I certainly am suggesting that God can use a gazillion object lessons and occurrences to teach me something.   And I want to pay attention.  

Is there a tie in between selfishness and racism?  Probably so. 

​I sure hope you will join me for Part 2 of the Choose 2 Think podcast series Our Souls Have No Color:  Educate.   We'll take a look at our quest to learn more about this cancer that plagues our nation.  

And until then, let's Choose 2 Think (together). :) 

Listen to Part 1: Examine here

​*This blog post, in part, inspired by Tim Keller's devotional: The Songs of Jesus for July 6.